Monday, August 21, 2006

Old Story, New Contest

Old story:

Back in June, I took part in the Midnight Road short fiction contest, hosted by Jason. Part of the contest is the learning that comes with it. So here's my entry, in a modified version. I incorporated some of the suggestions Jason gave me in his feedback. Do let me know how you like it. Thanks, Jason.

The Eyewitness

“You know, you should just quit it.” Her words stiffened his limbs every evening, as he lumbered his way back home. They had arrived in the neighborhood just last month, and while everything else seemed okay, the dark stretch vexed her as much as it paralyzed him.

If only he had the luxury of not pursuing the part-time MBA classes after work every evening.

Difficult to admit though it was, he hated the fact that it was the only route back home from college. It was a weird road; he didn't doubt that. No matter how many times the municipality fixed the street light, it would stop functioning.

It’s always midnight here.

“Silly girl, always thinking the worst. I am not the only one who walks on that road,” he would tell her.

Faking reassurance. Easy. Plodding through that dark track every evening. Creepy. In the back of his mind, snapshots lurked—of pickpockets ruffling his trousers’ back pocket…

A .410 handgun did it in the end. It was Diwali eve, and he bought her favorite sweets. As he wound his way through the dark road, humming a song, three gun shots twisted his gait into a red rivulet. Unarmed civilians were the best targets to drive home the demand for a separate state.

His cell phone, lying unclaimed with his corpse, beeped twice. There was just one eyewitness—a live, mute electric pole.

It was midnight when the police contacted her to identify the body.

[The End]

New Contest: Lonely Moon Short Fiction Contest


If the story left you a bit glum, here's something to cheer you up. Our gracious host, Jason Evans, is hosting yet another short fiction contest. Using the picture you see, write a story of 250 words or less. The deadline is August 29, 11 pm, EST. The details are here. Jason's contests keep getting better each time. This time, it takes a big leap with bestselling author, Anne Frasier, joining the event. Anne's new book, Pale Immortal, is going to be launched on September 5. And no less exciting is the fact that the winners of the Lonely Moon contest will get autographed copies of Pale Immortal as prizes.

What are we waiting for then? Let's get busy, writing!

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11 comments:

  1. PrashanthAugust 22, 2006 at 2:05 AM

    Bhaswati, this is attractive, simple, good writing (The Witness). Well told in short story format, while choice words established the poignancy, the end weighing down the reader just right.

    And well, these fiction contests ARE tempting! :) Cheers.

    ReplyDelete
  2. cesarcarlosAugust 22, 2006 at 9:12 AM

    I really enjoyed this entry. A shocker in so few words. It did left me glum. Really well written.

    I'm also excited about the new contest. And having Anne Frasier on board, that's really cool. I read her debut novel (Hush) and I loved it.

    ReplyDelete
  3. mr. schprockAugust 22, 2006 at 12:58 PM

    Whoa! What a story! I must've missed that one the first time through.

    I'll join you in the new contest. it looks like fun.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Suzan Abrams, email: suzanabrams@live.co.ukAugust 22, 2006 at 6:35 PM

    Hi Bhas, I enjoyed reading your fiction (above) very much. It was tight, crisp and not once without keeping the reader gripped.
    All the very best of luck with your current entry.
    Looks like Jason is indeed makig a name for himself. Well done all round!

    ReplyDelete
  5. BhaswatiAugust 22, 2006 at 8:26 PM

    Thank you, Prashanth, Cesar, Mr. Schprock, and Susan.

    Hope to see you all in the new contest. Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
  6. ScottAugust 23, 2006 at 5:25 AM

    Nicely done Bhaswati. I liked your original version too, which I remember very well. I'm pulled into the world of political struggle with a single line towards the end, just as I was in the first version.

    I'm also excited about the new contest.

    ReplyDelete
  7. BrandonAugust 23, 2006 at 12:48 PM

    Reposted your revised version was a great idea. Having everyone let you know how the improvements affected them could be very beneficial. I have to thank Susan for turning me on to your blog. Hopefully I can find the inspiration I need from the photo so that I can enter the competition as well. Happy writing to you.

    ReplyDelete
  8. AminAugust 24, 2006 at 5:38 AM

    Hello Bhaswati.

    I found your blog via Susan too. She's doing a good job of pointing us all to other great blogs.

    This story, which is so short, grabbed my attention immediately. I really admire a writer who can do that with so little text. It takes real skill to do that.

    I look forward to reading more of your work over the coming days.

    ReplyDelete
  9. ScottAugust 24, 2006 at 6:22 AM

    Thanks for that Bhaswati. I feel the same back at you.

    ReplyDelete
  10. BernitaAugust 26, 2006 at 4:51 AM

    Am always delighted, Bhaswati, by how you manage to imply so much, include so much in your short pieces.
    Such talent.

    ReplyDelete
  11. BhaswatiAugust 26, 2006 at 5:23 AM

    You are kind as ever, Bernita. Thanks. :)

    ReplyDelete

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